you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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