remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
