i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
