So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
