i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
