sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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