My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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