you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
