so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
