I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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