I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
