I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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