He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
