Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
