i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
