I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no you cant smoke seaweed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
