I will die if light touches me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
