"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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