ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
