he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
