No, drunk sperm still make babies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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