Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize