I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
