It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
