And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
