every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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