and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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