Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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