I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
