She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
