Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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