I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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