just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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