I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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