Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
