sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
did you just send me my own nude
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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