I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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