Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it hurts more in the daytime
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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