I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
