I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
