i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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