fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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