if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
