Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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