she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
