the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
