so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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