So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
