Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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