Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
