Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
