Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
