I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
