I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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