You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize