We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
