Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
