why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
