I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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