i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need a beard to bite.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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