Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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