WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
