Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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