I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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