Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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