I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish i was in the wii world.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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