Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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