did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
