I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
