I'm jealous of your bromance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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