I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
