i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
