foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
