this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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