i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I told you that you couldnāt eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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