Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
