jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
