i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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