'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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