look no pants
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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