tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
