I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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