This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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