I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
