sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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