Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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