Porn is love you can see.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize