i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
