Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
