whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
