i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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