Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
