Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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